For Nathan... my Son

The last four days have been the hardest of my life by far. You see, my son, Nathan Isaac Parker passed away, mere hours before he was to enter this world. He never got to know his mom and dad or his big sister Danica. He was taken from this world so he would not suffer from the diagnosis of Edward's Syndrome (Trisomy 18) that hit us early on in Cristi's pregnancy. From that moment on, we knew what we were facing, a battle to see him through the end of his journey in the womb... to hold him at least for a while with him looking up at us.

Our hearts sank when attempt after attempt to find a heartbeat went by unsuccessfully and then they crashed when the doctor performed that final, short and yet eternal ultrasound, shaking his head, telling us he was gone. We finally, the next morning, got to see him be delivered and to hold him, but he was already gone. I have never felt such loss before.

My future of playing with him, teaching him about life, riding motorcycles... all gone now.

But wait. The end is the beginning.

The hope of seeing him again hovers over us. He is at peace and is whole. Perfect now. And I will see him again and be able to tell him face to face that his Dad loves him very much.

So, in honor of Nathan Isaac Parker, who never got to experience this life but is experiencing a much fuller life now... a song for you, son.

Love,

Dad